INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Lester Holt leads a ghost tour to three couples: Diane and Frank (white), Leslie and Samantha (white), and Cassandra and Daryl (black).
SFX. Lighting crashes in the background and the lights in the house flicker.
LESTER HOLT
Welcome to a night of thrills, haunts, and horrors. I hope you all are ready because we have a terrifying night ahead of us.
DIANE
Oh, I’m so terrified babe.
FRANK
I might be hiding behind you tonight.
SAMANTHA
Isn’t this place just spooky?
LESLIE
I’m scared just thinking about it.
CASSANDRA
Hold up. Aren’t you Lester Holt?
DARYL
Yeah, shouldn’t you be on the news telling me how bad Trump is doing?
LESTER HOLT
That’s another horror show that I do yes, but tonight is where I get with the people of America and show them a traditional night of terror: Ghosts.
SFX. Lightning crashes.
The affects are cheesy and low production. The lights go out and then slowly flicker on. Frame on Lester Holt’s face and large forehead.
LESTER HOLT (CONT’D)
(laughing)
Looks like the thrills have already begun. By the end of this tour, you all aren’t going to be able to sleep.
DIANE
Wait I’m confused. Isn’t this a ghost tour?
FRANK
Yeah, where are the ghosts?
LESTER HOLT
Oh, don’t worry. You’ll see.
DARYL
Bae, don’t look now, but I’m seeing something absolutely terrifying.
CASSANDRA
Wait, do you see a ghost?!
DARYL
Worse. Look at Lester Holt’s forehead. Was his hairline always that high.
SFX. Lightening crashes.
The lights flicker on and off of Lester Holt’s receding hairline.
CASSANDRA
Oh my god! Oh my god!
DIANE
What, what, did you all see a ghost?
CASSANDRA
You’re right, boo. That hairline is scary high.
DARYL
We gotta get out of here. This is too frightening.
SAMANTHA
Are they serious?
LESLIE
I don’t know. What’s so scary about this? We haven’t seen a ghost yet, and the light effects are being controlled by that kid over there.
Along the side of the room, a young kid is in control of the light flickers.
LESTER HOLT
That’s my nephew, Winston. He’s doing a great job at scaring the bajeezus out of you.
FRANK
Uh, not really.
DIANE
Yeah, he’s not even timed up to the sound effects.
LESTER HOLT
That’s enough talking, or you all might miss the ghost of Carl Jr.
LESLIE
The fast food restaurant?
LESTER HOLT
No, my barber.
SFX. Lighting crashes.
The lights go out for a long pause.
SFX. Lighting crashes again.
The lights come on glaring off of Lester Holt’s forehead. His hairline has receded even further along his scalp.
DARYL
Oh, hell naw!
CASSANDRA
Get me out of here!
CASSANDRA
Did it just?
DARYL
Yup, his hairline is peeling back right before our eyes.
LESLIE
I don’t get it. What are they seeing that we don’t?
SAMANTHA
It appears that they aren’t scared of a ghost, but Lester Holt.
CASSANDRA
You’re damn right we are!
DARYL
Are you not watching what’s going on right in front of you?
DIANE
Is there a ghost?
DARYL
There might as well be!
LESTER HOLT
As I was saying, this house belonged to my dear barber, Carl Jr. He was always there for me.
CASSANDRA
He couldn’t have been there for you for very long.
DARYL
Hah, yeah, he went from forehead to mo-head, if you know what I mean.
LESTER HOLT
He knew his way around a razor. Knew how to cut me up right.
DARYL
Must’ve not been that good because your hairline is all over the place.
LESTER HOLT
Sadly he died of a heart attack last month from eating too many Carl’s Jr. burgers.
SFX. Lighting crashes.
The lights go out. Lester Holt maneuvers behind Cassandra and Daryl. The lights flicker on, and Lester Holt is completely bald.
DARYL
(screams)
CASSANDRA
(screams)
DARYL
Holy shit!
CASSANDRA
We getting the hell out of here!
Fade out.