INT. CLUB - NIGHT
Mainstream music plays in the background of a dark, dingy nightclub. Two beautiful girls, CINDY and TRISHA, dance at the bar drinking strawberry-tinis.
DALE, wears a windbreaker jumpsuit and a plum colored fanny pack. Unbridled with confidence, he swaggers over to CINDY and TRISHA.
DALE
Ladies, ladies, ladies.
CINDY
(scoffs)
What do you want?
DALE
What about me makes you want to howl at the moon and chase me around the club?
Dale presses microphone up to Trisha’s face.
TRISHA
Ew, you literally disgust me.
DALE
Playing hard to get. I’ll catch you. I’ll catch you.
Trisha chokes back a barf as Dale pretends to real her in like a fish.
CINDY
We wouldn’t even do you for charity.
DALE
Luckily, I have my own charity called Two of You, and One of Me.
TRISHA
You’re so gross!
CINDY
What a pig!
DALE
(feigning deaf)
What?! You want me to stay?
TRISHA
No!
CINDY
No!
Trisha and Cindy push Dale away. Dale spins around and the club whirls in slow-motion as he witnesses MANDY.
DALE
Hol’ up. I’ve been wasting my time with these beasts, when a beauty has been in my midsts?
TRISHA
What did you just call us?
CINDY
You did not just dis us?
DALE
Shut it whores!
Mandy has coke-bottle eye-glasses and wild frizzy hair. She wears a pink windbreaker jumpsuit with a red cherry-shaped fanny pack slung on her hip.
Mandy pushes through the dance floor and approaches Dale.
MANDY
(into Dale’s ear)
You’ve got some big bag, boy.
DALE
(into Mandy’s ear)
Alliteration gets me hot and heavy. Look at you prowling like Pink Panther.
MANDY
(purrs)
Looks like I’ve found my perp.
DALE
Oh, I’ll be your perv.
Mandy unzips her fanny pack and pulls out a stick of Big Red chewing gum. She unwraps it and aggressively bites half off and feeds Dale the other half.
CINDY
Is this turning you on?
TRISHA
You can’t be serious?
MANDY
Well then, let’s see them moves big daddy.
DALE
I hope you have some dirty teeth because I’m about to floss the shit out of them.
Dale starts flossin on the dance floor. His windbreaker scratches with each arm movement.
CINDY
The way he fills out that windbreaker makes me want to jump his bones like Sinbad.
TRISHA
I think I’m going to barf!
MANDY
Oh, yeah big daddy, floss my dirty teeth.
TRISHA
What could she possibly see in him?
CINDY
I know. He’s like a real hunk of corned beef.
TRISHA
Ew, no, that’s not what I’m saying at all.
CINDY
For reals. I just want to slap him on some rye bread with mustard and go ham on his ass!
MANDY
Hey, pretty girl?
TRISHA
Me?!
MANDY
Did I say “Hey, ugly girl?”
TRISHA
No.
MANDY
That’s right. I was talking to your pretty little friend there who’s talking about eating my man’s ass. If anyone’s gonna eat his ass, it’s gonnna be me!
DALE
Sorry ladies, you had your chance and you missed out on this.
Dale continues flossin.
CINDY
I can’t believe I turned down that.
TRISHA
Snap out of it, Cindy!
MANDY
Now if you ladies don’t mind, I have my own moves to lay down.
Mandy bends over in front of Dale and starts to twerk. Dale continues to floss around Mandy’s twerking ass. Their windbreakers scratch against one another.
DALE
Ladies, are you seeing this?!
TRISHA
Gross. Please stop talking to us.
CINDY
I can’t take this any more. I need to get me a piece of that action.
(to Mandy)
Lay off my man. He saw me first.
Mandy stops twerking as Cindy rushes at Dale.
MANDY
He likes the taste of my Big Red, you strawberry sipping whore!
Cindy attempts to slap Mandy. Mandy knocks her out with a swift right hook. Mandy reaches over and grabs Dale’s fanny pack.
DALE
Snap. Crackle. Pop. I just came.
MANDY
Now, where were we big daddy?
Mandy and Dale dive at each other like ravenous hawks mating. As they suck face, they fall to the floor. Their jumpsuits make a horrendous scratching noise.
TRISHA
Come on Cindy let’s get out of here!
CINDY
(confused)
But we just got here?
TRISHA
You need a doctor.
CINDY
What I need is some dick!
Trisha and Cindy exit.
Dale and Mandy stand up. Dale now wears Mandy’s cherry fanny pack, and Mandy wears Dale’s plum colored fanny pack.
MANDY
Thanks for the dance, big daddy.
DALE
Anytime babe. Call me next time you want to do some dirty dancing.
Mandy exits. Dale saunters over to a group of ladies.
DALE (CONT’D)
Ladies, ladies, ladies...
FADE TO BLACK.